Saying the words "I love you" is but one way to express love.
Here are some non-verbal ways to get across one of life's most important
messages.
Be fully present. The greatest way to let a person
know that you love them is to give your undivided attention, and to be
fully present when they're around. Put away the never-ending work, put
aside the hobby, turn off the TV, and find time to spend together, just
being.
Make it special. For many people, dropping the
"L-word" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before
separating (e.g. "Time to go. Bye! Love you!"). Using the full phrase,
however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a
special event, such as when a child is just born, to reassure someone
when bad news has been received, or during moments of cherished
intimacy, like after a kiss.
Make eye contact.
If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to look
into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows
sincerity and communicates trust. Even though there are probably a few
inches between your faces, it should feel like there is nothing between
yourselves, not even air.
Say it at an appropriate time. Time the statement in a way that will make both you and the recipient most comfortable.
- If you're in a private place and there's not much background noise,
keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to his or
her ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love.
- If you want to tell him or her how you feel in public, it's up to
you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of
friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality,
and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told
they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it
mortifying.
Say it without expecting anything in return. It can
be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait
anxiously for their response - especially if it's the first time either
of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear
is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell
the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing
them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not
demanding anything in return. So
smile, and perhaps give your loved one a
hug. If they love you, too, they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.
Be creative. Say "I love you" in another language.
Write it into a poem or even a
haiku. If you want to
be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like a
Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.
Back up your words. Don't just say it, show them that you really do love them. Saying "I love you" without
showing it is, in a way, a
lie.
Express your love in action as well as in words.
TIPS:
- Holding someone's hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust.
- Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look
for your partner's ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the
same as what you do or what you want him or her to do, but in turn you
may not be doing the things he or she wants.
- If your interest is not in the other person, but rather in how that
person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not love. If you
have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that
person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, rather than not
who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them.
- If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring
towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now
know how you feel.
- Saying "I love you" in the heat of passion for the first time might
not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your
pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.
- The words "I love you" can lose their meaning in a relationship if not paired with action.
- Do not use the words "I love you" to cover up something you did wrong, or to resolve a conflict. Learn to apologize.
- Don't overdo it, your loved one can get bored or feel as if it means
nothing to you. Say it to your loved one when the time is right.
